Mrs. Zubatsky's law

One day when I was a kid, our house caught on fire in Milwaukee. A large section of the wood shingle roof was burning as the fire trucks pulled up. The firemen ran into the back yard with a large hose and began assembling their metal ladders and positioning them against the house. Mrs. Zubatsky was our next door neighbor and, at the time, she was standing on her upstairs porch taking in the laundry. She watched anxiously as the firemen struggled with their ladders. Suddenly she leaned over the balcony and shouted down to the professional firefighters, "Forget the ladders! Just point the hose at the fire!" The firemen, to their credit, responded immediately. They dropped their ladders, pointed the hose at the fire and extinguished the blaze in about 40 seconds.

There are two morals to this story. One, never assume that just because it's someone's job, they know how to do it. And two, don't let yourself be intimidated by professionals or their uniforms. 

What do women really want?

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question.

Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified.

She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden.

But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the reservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: 'What a woman really wants' She said, 'Is to be in charge of her own life.'

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was.

The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom.

But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half.

'Which would you prefer? She asked him. 'Beautiful during the day .... or at night?'

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends. But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch! Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day? But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?

(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?
(If you are a woman reading this) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?

What Lancelot chose, is given below:

BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below...

OKAY?
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Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now... if you are still wondering the moral of this story...
1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.

Teacup

There was a couple who used to go to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup.

They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay."

My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "let me alone", but he only smiled, "Not yet."

"Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!" I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet."

Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as He shook his head, "Not yet."

Finally the door opened, he put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. "There, that's better," I said. And he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. "Stop it, stop it!" I cried. He only nodded, "Not yet."

Then suddenly he put me back into the oven, not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. All the time I could see him through the opening nodding his head saying, "Not yet."

Then I knew there wasn't any hope. I would never make it. I was ready to give up. But the door opened and he took me out and placed me on the shelf. One hour later he handed me a mirror and said, "Look at yourself." And I did.

I said, "That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful."

"I want you to remember," then, he said, "I know it hurts to be rolled and patted, but if I had left you alone, you'd have dried up.

I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled.

I knew it hurt and was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked.

I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened; you would not have had any color in your life.

And if I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't survive for very long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. You are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

Important things in life

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and emptyMayonnaises jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between theGolf balls.He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life."

The golf balls are the important things - your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, money, house, car, looks etc. The sand is everything else--the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.." the same goes for life.

"If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness".

"Play with your children."
"Take care of your body & health "
"Spend time with your partner to understand"
"Play another 18."
"There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal."

Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter."Set your priorities."The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, There’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend."

Super video clip - kudos to the film crew and ofcourse the main actors !!

Tomato Story

A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

'You are employed' he said.

Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied 'But I don't have a computer, neither an email'.

'I'm sorry', said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.'

The man left with no hope at all.

He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.

In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan..... When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email. The man replied,'I don't have an email.' The broker answered curiously, 'You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!'

The man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'

P.S - Do not forward this email back to me, I am closing my email account & going to sell tomatoes!!!

Excellence

A German once visited a temple under construction where he saw asculptor making an idol of God. Suddenly he noticed a similar idol lying nearby.

Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same idol?"

"No," said the sculptor without looking up,

"We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage."

The gentleman examined the idol and found no apparent damage. "Whereis the damage?" he asked.

"There is a scratch on the nose of the idol." said the sculptor, still busy with his work.

"Where are you going to install the idol?"The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high.

"If the idol is that far, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked.

The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I will know it."

The desire to excel is exclusive of the fact whether someone elseappreciates it or not. "Excellence" is a drive from inside, notoutside. It is not for someone else to notice but for your own satisfaction and efficiency... without this we would have been still living in caves !

Engineer VS Management

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.

She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.

She descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me sir, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am.'

The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'

'You must be an engineer,' said the lady balloonist.

'I am', replied the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well, answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost.

Frankly, you've not been much help to me at all. If anything you've delayed my trip even more.'

The man below responded, 'You must be in management.'

'I am,' replied the lady balloonist, 'but, how did you know?'

'Well,' said the man, 'You don't know where you are, or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air within.

You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you, to solve your problems.

Don't look that old !

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely i can't look that old. well.. you'll love this one !.
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My name is Alice Smith and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his dds diploma, which bore his full name. suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then? upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought.

This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate.

After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended morgan park high school.

"yes. yes, I did. I'm a mustang," he gleamed with pride.

"when did you graduate?" I asked. he answered , "in 1959. Why do you ask?"

"you were in my class!", I exclaimed.

wrinkled, fat ass, gray-haired, decrepit S-O-B asked, "what did you teach?"
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